{{ Life lately }}
What I had thought was to be a weekly share of what moves me has become a share in spring and a share in fall. But I hope that these writings of love, however and whenever they come, bring new eyes and breath to your own life. What do you feel in awe of?
{{ For me }} :
There are many new & different desires in me, and a deep well of grief too, moving through my heart. I am making space to be with it all.
I am living with a new land. Its wildness sings old songs to me that I can't quite hear yet but I feel the wild animals : grizzly bears wandering the hemisphere of my mind & elk grazing in golden meadows at the small of my back.
I am doing a lot of witnessing & learning & feeling in this place.
Books are touching me. I cry over them in unexpected moments. It feels so good to be touched in this way. An intimacy with life. I have been reading The Lost Spells by Robert Macfarlane. All of it, from beginning to end, broke my heart with beauty. & Tree of Life by Tim Biskup.. not so much the art but all of his words at the end. I ate them up like honey. They felt that profound. A key to a lock.
I am asking myself :: How do I want to be. I am listening with trust and sometimes a wash of tears. I am giving myself to life as it wears me smooth like a stone in the ocean, rising up the sand and back down to sea. All I can be is here now, no matter what arises and calls for my presence.
My children. They ask for all that is good in me to come out & play. And I find it in me & give it again & again, feeling how much it is the key to a good & worthy life.
Our home with its beauty & comfort & windows of light. Its trees of fallen leaves, its beeswax candles, its bath tub & wooden floors. Where we sing, play, laugh, whisper at night around the sleeping baby, spread out books upon the floor, curl up on the warm floor before the fireplace. Thank you for these golden blessings that feel like a blanket to all that has been trembling in me.
I love to work with families. It is one of my greatest loves in this life, along with being a mother to my three beloveds myself.
I also have a fourth beloved, but he is not one I talk of much, to just anyone, although I’d like to speak of him here for healing purposes.
Part of healing the body is grieving. I have found that grieving is essential to healing. That grieving is the only way to heal many things.
The twin of grieving is celebrating. & celebrating is just as essential. & they hold hands eternally, this grieving & this celebrating. And they are continual processes, always coming when they come. And need to come.
I birthed a little one when I was very young. He was 6.5 months along in my belly when he died. He had fatal brain abnormalities that weren’t discovered until I was already far into my pregnancy. His birth was very painful & long, & I left the hospital with a body longing for its baby. He was one of my deepest loves & the loss of his presence in my life was one of the heaviest griefs I have ever felt.
Loving my baby so preciously & having to surrender his presence & body taught me so many things, but one of them was the healing purity of grief. How deeply I loved that tiny person. & so deeply did I grieve because I loved him that much. & how exquisite that I got to experience something so preciously beautiful that it called this grief from me.
When I learned how to grieve as much as needed, as often as needed, about anything that stirred up grief, I found myself authentically healing more easily & thoroughly, in all my most needed ways, even physically.
It took me years after my first little beloved’s passing to the heaven world to fully find the gift & freedom in grief, but I am here now & it has changed my whole life & sense of who I am to grieve.
I know that the people of our world need to grieve. Our bodies & minds are in dis-ease for many reasons but one of the strongest of them is stress. And so much of our stress is from pent-up grief. I am telling you, if you listen to your stress long enough, with a true open heart & ear, you will find a mountain of suppressed grief.
But this mountain has a gold center of the purest nectar. The purest truth. & the ability to set you free with a capacity to love that much more.
Bless you, my first baby. I will see you at Heaven’s gate.
* Picture is of a bear I received from the hospital I birthed at, in place of my baby. I still have this bear over ten years later & give it hugs & cry when I need to.
The internet. Social media. Smart phones. Apps. What impactful, helpful tools. And what utterly destructive tools at the same time.
They are destroying our real physical interactions, which young children need especially, so they can learn & grow in healthy, necessary ways. They are becoming substitutes for these warm, genuine relationships with others, where so much sustenance & connection is received. Especially now that people are very fearful of sickness. Many of us have adopted new technological modalities which are helpful in some ways, but have a very high, harmful cost since they are also becoming {{rooted}} new ways, part of what’s often referred to as “the new normal,” in order to try & eliminate personal connection as much as possible, therefore any risk of sickness. This is dangerous to the human being. We need softness, warmth, breath, hands to hold. Life.
Devices are also emitting radiation which has not been proven safe on a long-term basis. And with the introduction of 5G technology, which has its own unique set of traits & risks, it is clear that we are choosing what has been chosen many times before in the archives of humanity ~ impactful decisions using tools that are not proven safe & making choices to use them anyway. And not just using them anyway, but using them in a massive, life-altering way for large amounts of people, & without giving those people a choice in the matter. We can choose not to use a smart phone, but we are not offered a choice over the thousands of satellites that are now in orbit, bathing our earth in frequencies that we are not clear are safe, for example.
At the core of this situation, what is the truth is that our decisions with technology (& actually with too many things) are ones that lack true thought, consideration, & the time needed to ensure full understanding of what we are choosing & their impact. We are not valuing life. If we really valued it, we would hold it tenderly, preciously. We would be protective of it in all ways, not just in a few. We would think of our babies & children, of our loved ones & their quality of life. We would think about the earth, who we are bound to. It wouldn’t be a far stretch to consider that how we harm life on earth also harms us somehow in some way at some time.
But now, we are here. The momentum of our choices is very strong. We have built systems & ways of doing things in support of unconscious decisions that are not life-supportive. These systems are ones of death, because they harm. Because they lack awareness & genuine help for humanity & the earth. This is also where technology use fits in. Not to even mention the hands & hearts of those people actually building our devices. That’s a whole other sacred story needing to be spoken of so much more than it is, but here in a culture of death, it all belongs & fits right in.
So how do we keep ourselves & each other safe from where humanity is at in its culture that is against the preciousness of life?
Make your heart & soul your safe home. Share this warmth & safety with others. Be inspired by our technological society. Let it awaken your absolute fierce love for real bodies, for soil, for the wild animals, for babies who need germs & dirt & worms & bugs & rainbows. Let it move your whole being. Let it direct how you move in this world. Let it carve you so clean that you are an example of everything that feels holy. And also, make clear intentions before you use technology. A simple flip phone could be a much better device than a smart phone for many people (though these are becoming harder to find, but companies are beginning to catch on that people are wanting this option). There are also EMF (electromagnetic frequency) reducers of all kinds that can be bought.
You can use Peat Oil on your skin daily. In Anthroposophical Medicine, this is believed to help with radiation exposure. There are “stickers” you can get for your devices that direct harmful frequencies into a transformed, benevolent frequency. And you can educate yourself on the harm of technology use & share this information with others. There is so much true information (not mis-information) to be found (though think of giving something like Ecosia a try as your search engine because it plants a tree after a certain amount of searches! There are also other great search engines which utilize their traffic & usage in good ways for the earth).
There are so many layers of this subject to explore ~ the harmful impact on those who make our technological devices in other countries, radiation, the harm of technology on mental health, the harm of technology making too many things “convenient” & therefore losing the very precious soul-quality of “work” in our humanity, and on & on. There are so many important facets of this situation to delve into.
I hope your delving breaks open your heart as it has mine, so we can make room for the seeds of different healing ways to grow.
We must teach the children with these seeds & hold our hearts open in living prayer for the joy, health, & freedom for all of life on earth, now & forevermore.
